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go damnit 8/3/2015
i was sleeping with my girlfreind and when i came inside
of her she snized and all my body was covered in my own sperm
1 Comments, 48 Views,
5 Votes
,1.51 Score
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i love football!!! 8/1/2015
AS A WOMAN PASSES HER 'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR. SHOCKED, SHE ASKED: "WHAT IN THE WORLD! ARE YOU DOING!?" THE REPLIED: MOM, I'M 32 YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND.
SO PLEASE GO AWAY , AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" ...
3 Comments, 156 Views,
9 Votes
,5.99 Score
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Little Shithead 8/1/2015
SENIORS & COMPUTERS As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with
our computers. Yesterday, I had a problem, so I calledGeorgie, the 11 year
old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control,
and asked him to come over. Georgie clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what
was wrong? He replied, It was an ID ten T ...
3 Comments, 97 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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will you? 7/25/2015
An American guy decides to travel around. Europe. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Barmaid) takes
his order, a beer, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other.
At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to
come back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted
to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for ...
3 Comments, 176 Views,
13 Votes
,6.16 Score
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Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 87 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 6 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 9 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 1 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 3 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 1 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 8 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Birds on a Wire 7/20/2015
The teacher asked her 4th graders, "If there are three
birds on a telephone wire, and a hunter shoots one, how many
are left?"
Bobby raises his hand and answers, "There won't
be any left. One will be dead, and the sound of the gun will
scare the others away."
"Hmm, that isn't quite the answer I was looking
for, Bobby, but I like the way you think, " she said.
Later, at ...
4 Comments, 119 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
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the challenge! 7/19/2015
A trucker working out of town stops into a tavern, walks
up to the bar and orders a beer and a shot. After drinking
it he orders another, while drinking that he notices a huge
jar behind the bar stuffed with twenties... So he asked
the bartender what that's all about? The bartender replies" It's an ongoing challenge
in here, there are 3 challenges to complete and if you do
you win the pot! The ...
4 Comments, 160 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
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An Old Golfer 7/17/2015
An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the
new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area
of the clubhouse. As he passes through the swinging doors,
he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: $3.00 HAMBURGER: $5.00 CHEESEBURGER: $6.50 ...
2 Comments, 160 Views,
10 Votes
,6.17 Score
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CAT EATER 7/17/2015
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school
today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because
I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that
pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
2 Comments, 65 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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4 7/17/2015
A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that
the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall,
while the youngest had black hair, dark eyes, and was
short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his
deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey,
before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest my ?"
...
1 Comments, 147 Views,
10 Votes
,5.58 Score
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I'm a Virgin 7/17/2015
A woman was getting married for her fourth time. On the first
night of the honeymoon, the new bride says to her groom "be
gentle I'm a virgin." The groom replies "How's
that possible, this is your 4th marriage?!" The bride
replies back "Well, my first husband was a psychologist,
all he liked to do was talk about it. My 2nd husband was a gynocologist
& all he liked to do was look at it. My 3rd ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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Not Appreciated! 7/14/2015
When a lady is pregnant, All her Friends touch her stomach
and say say Congratulations But no one ever goes and touches the Guy's pecker saying
"Good Job!"
The moral of this story "Hard work is Never Appreciated!"
2 Comments, 49 Views,
7 Votes
,5.84 Score
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Inlaw's 7/14/2015
I have been engaged for almost a year. And am to get married
next month.
My fiancee's mother is not only a Total MILF but she's
really great and understanding. She's putting the
entire wedding together and invited me over to go over the
guest list. When I got there she said she had really invited
me over for something else. She totally floored me when
she said "In 1 month your going to ...
1 Comments, 158 Views,
8 Votes
,6.03 Score
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Inlaw's 7/14/2015
I have been engaged for almost a year. And am to get married
next month.
My fiancee's mother is not only a Total MILF but she's
really great and understanding. She's putting the
entire wedding together and invited me over to go over the
guest list. When I got there she said she had really invited
me over for something else. She totally floored me when
she said "In 1 month your going to ...
2 Comments, 60 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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please dont shoot! 7/12/2015
Diesel was bartending in a local pub and was getting ready to close for the night when a robber
with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to Diesel, "This
is a stick-up! Put all your cash in this bag!" Diesel,
scared to death, pleads, "Don't shoot, please!
I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut
up and empty the cash register!" Diesel says, "Okay,
okay! Just don't shoot, I have a ...
3 Comments, 172 Views,
19 Votes
,4.97 Score
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Sisters of Perpetual Arousal 7/12/2015
A man is driving down a deserted highway, and he notices
a billboard that reads... SISTERS OF PERPETUAL AROUSAL - HOUSE OF -
10 MILES. He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives
on. Soon, he sees another sign which says... SISTERS OF PERPETUAL AROUSAL - HOUSE OF -
5 MILES Realizing these signs are for real, he drives on, and sure
enough, there is a third sign SISTERS OF PERPETUAL ...
2 Comments, 120 Views,
15 Votes
,4.97 Score
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Would you like some 69? 7/12/2015
A farmer decides it's time for his to become a man,
so he takes him to the local brothel, picks out the biggest
girl there, and tells her to "make him a man".
Up in the room, the girl asks him what he would like? Having
spent his entire life on the farm, he has no idea what to ask
for. She thinks for a minute, smiles, and asks if he would
like some "69"? The young man, having no idea
what ...
1 Comments, 123 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score
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can he canibal 7/12/2015
three travelers trecking through a rain forest come acrost
a tribe of head hunters. they are immediatly captured and
given a choice. it is a time of celebration in thier ways
and they will let them go if they can perform 3 tasks. drink
their nector of the gods and not go insane, 2 pull the bad
tooth from the tribes tiger their god bestowed upon them
that very day, and 3 sexualy satisfy the tribes ...
2 Comments, 90 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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perils of wonderwoman nude sunbathing 7/11/2015
flying around superman notices with his super vission
wonderwoan spread out naked on a rock enjoying the sun.
thinking real quick he zooms toward her, swoops down and
fucks at locomotive speed and zooms off. feeling not more
than a super strong breeze she wonders "what was that?"
the martian man hunter turns visiable and says "i
dont know but my ass hole really hurt!"
0 Comments, 44 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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joke from joss whedon show angel 7/11/2015
this is from a show that i think is an awesome joke and thought
i would put it out to see what others think of this, i like
how there are different points of views on what is the meaning
and would love to hear your views on it
Two men walk into a bar. The first man orders a scotch and
soda. The second man remembers something he’d forgotten,
and it doubles him over with PAIN. He falls ...
0 Comments, 75 Views,
6 Votes
,0.80 Score
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Sister Kathleen 7/11/2015
Sister Kathleen lived in a convent, a block away from Jack’s
liquor store. One day she walked into the store and said,
“Oh Jack, can you spare me a half-bottle o’ the brandy.”
“Sister Kathleen, ” exclaimed Jack, “I could
never do that! I have never sold alcohol to a nun in my life
and certainly never given it!” “Oh Jack, ” she responded, “it’s only for the
Mother ...
1 Comments, 112 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
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mr. strange!! 7/11/2015
A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After
he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what
inscription he would like on it.
"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer, " responded
the lawyer.
"Sorry, but I can't do that, " replied
the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against
the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could
put 'here lies an ...
1 Comments, 71 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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mr. strange!! 7/11/2015
A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After
he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what
inscription he would like on it.
"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer, " responded
the lawyer.
"Sorry, but I can't do that, " replied
the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against
the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could
put 'here lies an ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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