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What they really mean 9/23/2003
MEN'S ADS- What they say vs. what they really mean!
<br>
40-ish................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic..............Watches a lot of sports on TV
Aims to please....... But can't more than 2 minutes
Average looking.......Unusual hair growth on ears, nose,
& back
Educated..............Will patronize the shit out of
you
Good tongue action ...drools, ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
0 Votes
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Mickey Mouse In Court 9/22/2003
Mickey Mouse wanted a divorce from Minney but once in front
of the judge, he had a problem since the judge wasn't
going to grant the divorce.
"I can't justify your reasoning. Insanity is
not enough grounds for divorce." Said the judge.
"I didn't say she was insane, " Replied
Mickey. "I said she was fucking Goofy!"
0 Comments, 26 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Hold your NOSE 9/21/2003
Question: What do you get when you cross a porcupine and
a
skunk?
<br>
Answer: A s-t-i-n-k-y, s-t-i-c-k-y pussy
0 Comments, 13 Views,
241 Votes
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Blond Handiwoman 9/21/2003
A blond handiwoman is going from door to door looking for
work. She knocks on a door and a husband and wife answer.
She asked if they had any jobs to be done. Husband says "the
porch needs painting.....How much?". Blond says
fifty dollars.usband says OK....the paint is in the garage.
The wife says to the husband "FIFTY DOLLARS??? I don't
think she knows how big the porch is!" Husband says ...
1 Comments, 54 Views,
244 Votes
,6.77 Score
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Survey 9/17/2003
A woman was walking down the street when she was stopped
by a man who was carrying out a survey. "Excuse me,
Madam, we're doing a survey on peoples' attitudes
towards sex."
"Really!" said the woman smiling. "Could
you please tell me what you think of sex on the television?"
<br>
"Well, " replied the woman, "I think
it's extremely uncomfortable, especially when you've
got the ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
45 Votes
,1.48 Score
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liscense 9/9/2003
What kind of license does a lesbian need to get married?
A lick-her license.
0 Comments, 7 Views,
23 Votes
,4.06 Score
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When you are dating 9/5/2003
When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing
flammable near your husband...... at all time
<br>
When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time
When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says
"What are you going to drink?"
<br>
When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public
...
0 Comments, 32 Views,
55 Votes
,6.81 Score
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Chocolate better than Sex 9/2/2003
<br>
<br>
TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
<br>
1. You can GET chocolate.
<br>
2. "If you love me you'll swallow that"
has real meaning with chocolate.
<br>
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
<br>
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
<br>
5. ...
2 Comments, 49 Views,
34 Votes
,6.39 Score
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Sick newlywed joke 8/31/2003
A young couple go to a nice lakeside resort on their honeymoon.
That evening the old resort owner sees the groom sitting
on the dock fishing. The owner approaches the young man
and says" You know it's none of my business but
it being your wedding night and all should'nt you be
inside making love to your wife?"
The groom responds "I would but she has gonorhea."
The old timer asks "Well how ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
81 Votes
,6.45 Score
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LAUGH ?? - I thought my pants would never dry !! 8/23/2003
A woman is getting ready to go out when, her husband enters
the room.
<br>
"Look at me" she says, "I'm ugly,
overweight, my hair's a mess and this dress looks awfull
on me. Please pay me a compliment darling"
<br>
He replies - "your eyesight is excellent"
0 Comments, 28 Views,
136 Votes
,7.99 Score
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Horny Hippo 8/21/2003
Q. Why do hippopotumuses fuck in water??????
<br>
A. Have you ever tried to keep a 2 pound clitoris wet
0 Comments, 6 Views,
97 Votes
,4.55 Score
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differences-2 8/19/2003
wt is the difference between a man of god and a lady in bath
tub?
<br>
<br>
a man of god has a Soul full of Hope but a lady in bath tub has
Hole full of Soap.
0 Comments, 19 Views,
59 Votes
,2.46 Score
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difference between and frypan and a women 8/18/2003
Q. what's the difference betwenn a women and a frypan?
<br>
<br>
<br>
A. nothing you can stick fat in both of them
0 Comments, 3 Views,
92 Votes
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difference between spaghetti and a women 8/18/2003
Q. what's the difference between spaghetti and a women?
<br>
<br>
<br>
A. nothing they both wiggle when you eat them.
0 Comments, 16 Views,
83 Votes
,6.16 Score
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gay joke 8/18/2003
How do you fit 4 gay men on a barstool?
<br>
Turn it upside down!
0 Comments, 18 Views,
86 Votes
,6.62 Score
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Small World 8/10/2003
Two best friends are golfing one day. The two ladies ahead
of them are really slow. So Bill says to Tim, "Go up
there and see if they would mind us playing through."
So Tim goes up halfway to the ladies, but returns sheepishly."No
way, man." Bill says, "Why?" Tim replies, "One
of those two ladies is my wife and the other one's my
mistress." So Bill agrees to go. Halfway there, he
also ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
106 Votes
,8.25 Score
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Golfing Buddies 8/7/2003
How do you know if your behind a group of homo-sexuals on
a golf course? When you yell fore they all drop their pants
and bend over.
1 Comments, 28 Views,
51 Votes
,0.46 Score
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Viagra 8/7/2003
1.Man goes to the doctor and asks for a Viagra to make his
wife happy.
2.Doctor recommends to take it one hour before an intercourse.
3.Man's wife usually comes from work at 6.PM
4.Man takes Viagra at 5:55 PM
5. Wife calls home at 6PM, to say that she will be home after
10 PM
6. Man calls the doctor asking what to do?
7. Doctor asks: "Don't you have any neighbor
to use that Viagra ...
2 Comments, 104 Views,
84 Votes
,6.87 Score
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Bar Bouncer 8/7/2003
How do you know if your in a homo-sexual bar? A bouncer throws
you out for farting.
1 Comments, 35 Views,
37 Votes
,0.45 Score
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Physical Examination 8/7/2003
How do you know if your Doctor is a homo-sexual?
<br>
He drops his pants and coughs.
1 Comments, 38 Views,
36 Votes
,0.91 Score
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D. N. A. 8/6/2003
Most women have very intellegent DNA but the hell of it is
95% of them spit it out.
0 Comments, 33 Views,
54 Votes
,5.23 Score
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To be six again! 7/31/2003
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be six again, " she replied.
<br>
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early
and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put
her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming
Loop, the Wall of Fear - everything there was! Wow!
<br>
Five hours later she ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
65 Votes
,6.93 Score
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Break-Up Revenge 7/30/2003
John and Jenny had been sweethearts since childhood. When
it came to college, however, they unfortunately found
themselves hundreds of miles apart. For a time they attempted
to keep the relationship going, but eventually John found
Jenny growing ever more distant.
<br>
Suspecting that Jenny had started seeing someone John
challenged her on the issue, only to find his worst fears ...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
71 Votes
,8.29 Score
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A blond and a brunette in a bar 7/19/2003
A blond and a brunette are in a bar. The t.v.'s in the
bar have the 10-O-clock news on and there is a story of a man
that is standing on a building ledge about to commit suicide.
The brunette says to the blond, "I'll bet you
$50 he jumps." The blond thinks for a moment and says, "I'll
take that bet." So they watch and sure enough the man
jumps. The blond says as she is handing over a ...
0 Comments, 46 Views,
108 Votes
,7.25 Score
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The donkey 7/17/2003
A bar owner was having financial difficulties so he decided
to have a promotion to make money. He bought a donkey and
put up a sign, "Make the donkey laugh. $1". Well,
people tried everything from telling jokes to making funny
faces. Finally a man entered the bar and gave his dollar
to the bar owner saying, "I can definitely make the
donkey laugh." He walked over to the donkey lifted ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
96 Votes
,7.59 Score
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verticle blinds 7/11/2003
A beautiful blond woman was at her home taking a shower when
the doorbell rang. She was quickly trying to dry herself
off as she asked through the door who it was. The man replied
'I am the blind msn.' So with no harm intended she
drops her towel and gracefully walks to her door nude. Upon
openning her door the man stands with a big smile on his face
and asks 'Where would you like me to ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
67 Votes
,5.94 Score
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Monster 7/10/2003
Q: What's got 100 teeth and keeps the monster away?
<br>
A: My ZIPPER.
0 Comments, 5 Views,
55 Votes
,3.78 Score
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No f***ing in the park. 7/9/2003
For years people went to the local park to have sex. Finally,
some citizens petitioned and a law was passed forbidding
sex in the park. Signs were put up everywhere. One couple
had been having sex in the park since it was built and were
determined to continue. They were going hot and heavy behind
some bushes when a cop came by and arrested them. Three black
men witnessed the couple ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
111 Votes
,7.70 Score
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A Leprechaun goes into a bar...... 7/6/2003
....climbs up on a bar stool, and says, "Bartender,
give me a beer." The Bartender draws him a huge glass
of draft, and sits it in front of him. The leprechaun pays
for the beer, turns it up, and chugs the whole glass. As he
wiped the foam from his chin on his sleeve, he scanned the
occupants of the bar. Once he spotted the biggest man in
the bar, he climbed down from the stool, walked over ...
0 Comments, 21 Views,
66 Votes
,5.51 Score
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tip 7/5/2003
A husband gets back home from work to find his wife sitting
in the corner with a very angry look on her face. She points
to a piece of paper she's found in his pocket when doing
the washing and written on it is the name "SARAH".
<br>
Trouble is his wife's name is Karen. She says "
who the hell is Sarah?"
<br>
As quick as a flash he says "it's ok darling Sarah
was the ...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
84 Votes
,6.96 Score
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